Coping With The Loss of a Friend

Well, here I am. It has been absolutely forever (or at least it feels like it has been forever) since I have made a blog post.

Although I am happy that I am opening this up again and writing, I am disheartened that the motivation I have to write is coming from a deep place in my heart. That place is filled with hurt, mixed emotions, and many questions.

On March 4th, my sweet friend Alison Elizabeth Fish passed from this earth. She was just 20 years old, and was one of my closest friends. As an introvert at heart, I find it hard to get close to people sometimes. Alison made it easy.

We were both pregnant at the same time, and we had our baby boys just 11 days apart. We always chatted back and forth over Facebook messenger whenever one of us would have a weird pregnancy symptom that we were not quite sure about.

We were there for each other. Through pregnancy, labor and delivery, postpartum, and just through everything. Even the yucky relationship stresses that come after having a baby, we got through all of that with each other to lean on.

She was a beautiful person, and she has a beautiful soul.

As I find the days going by, one by one after Alison passed away, I also find myself feeling less and less like myself. So, I decided to do some research into coping with the loss of a loved one and write about it here.

My hope is that day by day, we can get through this together. I am here for you, even though you are just reading this on a screen. If at any time you feel like you need someone to reach out to, you can find my inbox through my social media handles below. I will listen with an open heart and a closed mouth.

Talk About It

Talking about what happened not only helps you to process how you are feeling, but it also allows you to avoid isolation. When dealing with a loss, isolating yourself from your support system can be the opposite of helpful.

Talk about what happened with someone you trust, and someone you can be yourself around. Say how you feel. If you feel like it is unfair that the person is gone, voice that feeling. Keeping things bottled up inside of yourself is never a healthy thing to do.

Acknowledge Your Pain

Pushing things down inside of yourself will not, no matter how badly we want it to, make them go away. Pain included. Pushing pain down in fact, can actually make it worse. Acknowledging your pain, and allowing yourself to feel the emotions you feel all in all will help to ease the pain you are feeling. See it for what it is, bless it, and release it. Do not let your pain manifest itself into things like anger, resentment and hate. Just let it be what it is.

Accept That Grief Can Trigger Many Different, Unexpected Emotions

You might be feeling okay one day, and absolutely terrible the next. You might be able to go a whole week as if things were the way they were before you lost your loved one, and then a simple thing can trigger you to have a breakdown. Sometimes, the emotions can flow through you so quickly that it may become an hour to hour, or even minute to minute thing.

This is part of the grieving process. Do not think that you are weird, not “getting over it” how you should, or that you are somehow flawed. You just lost someone that you love, that is near and dear to you in so many ways. It is okay to have emotions, and it is okay to not know where they are going to take you from one moment to the next for a little while.

Understand That Your Grieving Process Will Be Unique To You

Not everyone experiences and process loss in the same way that you do. While you might find it comforting and soothing to have objects of the person you have lost close to you at all times, or to go through photo albums of your loved one often, someone else who is also experiencing and grieving from that same loss might not find comfort in doing those things right now. And that is okay.

Everyone is unique. Just like flowers make some people smile, and other people sneeze, mechanisms of coping with loss can soothe some and irritate or exacerbate pain in others. Give yourself grace, and give grace to those around you as well as they find their way through processing their loss.

Take Care Of Yourself

If you have always been a person to go to the gym 5 days a week, do not suddenly stop going all together because of how you are feeling. Sure, a small break to process your feelings and initial shock of the situation is warranted. But do not completely change your life in drastic ways because of your loss.

Remember to take care of yourself. Do things that you enjoy. Do things for yourself that make you feel good. Do things for others that makes you feel fulfilled. Give yourself some extra love and grace during this transitional period of your life.

Wouldn’t your loved one want for you to live your life happy?

Don’t Blame Yourself

Unless you physically took away the life of the person that has passed, there is no need to blame yourself for what happened to them. If you would have known how to help, or known how to save that person, you would have. Don’t blame yourself.