The 10 Things NOBODY Tells You About Motherhood (Including The Books!)

Okay, let’s face it. When bringing a brand new life into the world, there is absolutely no way to know everything that there is to know. There are books to read, classes to take and studies to over analyze when trying to prepare for motherhood, but there is no real way to be fully knowledgeable until the time comes for you.

However, there are some things that the books never told me, that the studies never showed me, that the classes never taught that I wish I would have known before becoming a mother. I hope this helps you! Be prepared though, because it is brutally honest.

#1: Birth Most Likely Will NOT Go Exactly As You Planned (Even With A Birth Plan!)

Babies are magnificent tiny little humans with their own little schedules. Because of that, there is no real way to determine exactly when or how they will enter into the world. You could schedule a C-Section and have your water break before that date. You could want an all natural, unassisted home birth and end up needing an emergency C section. Even if things are not that drastic, they often still do not go exactly as you plan.

This does not mean that a birth plan is not important to create though. I very highly suggest creating one for your birth, as it gives the staff at the hospital (or the midwife at your home) a list of your wishes and how you PREFER things to go. Having the birth plan in place and printed out for birth will make it so you can focus more on what you are there for: bringing a beautiful tiny life into the world.

My personal advice for birth and birth plans is this… Make one. Make your first option choice obvious, but also create a “backup plan” just in case things do not go as planned. For example, if you plan on having a natural birth and your wishes are to touch the baby’s head as he or she is crowning, put that in the birth plan. BUT, be sure to have a plan B. If you end up having to have an emergency C section for example, maybe write out your plan B to elaborate that you would like a clear cover for the C section so you can still see your baby being born.

In the end, it IS best to have a plan. I am not against plans what so ever, but I do suggest going in with a mindset that anything can happen, and that no matter what does happen you will go with the flow and bring that wonderful bundle of joy into the world healthy and strong.

#2: Your Body WILL NOT Bounce Back To EXACTLY What It Was Before You Were Pregnant

This might seem a little bit scary at first, but don’t let it freak you out too much. I am not saying that your body will never go back down to it’s pre-pregnancy size (or smaller!) because it totally can. But, even if you were in a size 10 before becoming pregnant, you may very well fit back into that size 10 in a few weeks to months, just in a different way.

You may have different curves, bigger breasts from your milk coming in, or some tiger stripes on your belly from the stretching during the end of pregnancy. It can really come as a shock after having a child how much your body really does change.

For me personally, I kept beating myself up for not fitting into medium shirts anymore. Like, come on! I am 3 months postpartum and have lost enough weight that I SHOULD be able to fit back into my old shirts, right? Well, wrong. I failed to realize that my body is NOT the same as it was before having my son. Yes, my belly is small enough to fit into a medium, but they are now way too short because my breasts have grown dramatically due to breastfeeding. It is the little things like that you will get used to.

Not bouncing back into your old body 25 seconds after giving birth does not make you a failure or disgusting either. You just brought a new life into this world, something that half of our population simply cannot do! Give yourself some credit and give your body the grace and love that it deserves. You ARE beautiful, even with extra baby weight, sagging skin and stretch marks. I promise ❤

#3: You May Bleed For A WHILE After Giving Birth

This is something that is completely different from woman to woman, so I can only really pull from my own personal experience as well as the experiences of my friends. But, I have come to realize and accept that bleeding may very well last a long time after birth. For me personally, I am 3 months postpartum and still bleeding lightly. I had a very smooth labor and delivery with only 2 stitches too! I thought that the bleeding would subside in the first few weeks, but here I am 12 weeks later, still spotting.

Don’t give it too much thought or beat yourself up over it though. You may have a regular natural birth like I did with minimal or no stitches at all and bleed for months, while you may have friends who have several more stitches with a more complicated birth who only bleed for a week or so. My point is, everyone is different. If you have concerns about your bleeding after birth, be sure to take them up with your doctor. Other than that though, just grab yourself LOTS of black period panties and prepare yourself. Fingers crossed for you that you are one of the lucky ones that only bleed for a few days to a week.

#4: Babies CAN Change Temperament From Day To Day

This was one of the most shocking things to me as a new mother that I WISH someone, somewhere would have told me. Why was my baby who always slept through the night and only cried when hungry or cold suddenly screaming his head off uncontrollably for hours on end? Because babies are tiny HUMANS, who sometimes have good days and bad days just like the rest of us.

Waking up each morning with a positive attitude, and making sure I am getting as much sleep as possible has helped me a lot personally to deal with these ups and downs. I just really wish that I knew they could happen. As a new mom, I sort of just figured that since I had a very calm baby, he would always be very calm every day and every night without fail. I was wrong. Learn from my experience and take each day as it comes.

For mamas with colic babies, this does go both ways. There IS hope. My son went from very calm, only crying when he was hungry or cold to crying nonstop for about 4 hours a day for a week, and then back to being calm as of now. These things go in phases. I thought I was losing my mind when my baby was colic and fussing. I thought that he was going to be like that forever, and that it would never pass. But rest assured mama, THIS TOO SHALL PASS! You’ve got this!

#5: Every Baby Is Different

Even if this isn’t your first rodeo, don’t expect things to be exactly the same the second (or 3rd, or 4th etc) time around. Every single baby is unique and different. What may soothe one baby may upset another, and vice versa.

My baby loves to be swaddled. It helps him to relax and sleep better at night. However, many of my friends babies absolutely HATE being swaddled.

My baby loves his swing, but only likes the forward and backward motion while other babies may prefer side to side, or some not at all. It all depends.

Pro mom tip: don’t invest a ton of money into a closet full of swaddles until you are sure your baby likes them. Save yourself the money until you know for sure.

#6: Sleep Regression is a thing (Even if your baby is not teething yet)

I will never forget the first time my baby boy slept all the way through the night. I gave him a bath, put him in a clean diaper and a cozy fleece sleeper. I laid him down in his crib at 9pm, and turned on his sound machine. I then tiptoed my way into our bedroom and fell asleep.

To my surprise, I woke up on my own at 4:30am to go to the bathroom. I checked the time and freaked out! Was my baby okay? Turns out he was just fine, he had just slept through the night for the first time! What a relief that was. He continued to sleep until about 5am and then woke up to be fed and changed like normal.

He was 6 weeks old at the time, and continued to sleep through the night every night up until 8 weeks. That is when things began to change.

He began not going down to sleep until 10pm, and waking up every 2 hours or less. Obviously, I was very concerned and confused. I asked the pediatrician because I was concerned about his sleeping, and she told me that it is normal. He is not teething yet, and she determined that he is just having a little bit of a sleep regression.

Pro mom tip: enjoy the rest while you can get it, but don’t freak out if your babies sleeping schedule changes from week to week. They will get the hang of sleeping through the night regularly soon.

Sometimes when they go through growth spurts (3 weeks, 6 weeks, etc) is when I have noticed the most dramatic changes in my son’s sleep routine. This too shall pass. Remember that!

#7: You Probably Won’t End Up Needing/Using Newborn Sizes For Long

This one is something that I had heard, but did not fully realize until my son was born. My son weighed 7lb 2oz at birth, so he was an average sized baby, right in the middle of the percentiles.

For my baby shower and gender reveal, we were blessed to receive several packages of diapers and onesies, pants and hats all in the newborn size. Every baby is different, but my son only wore newborn sizes up until week 4. After that, he did not fit in anything newborn sized anymore.

Many of the outfits and diapers we got went unused. A good idea that a friend did for their diaper party was have their friends and family bring a specific sized diaper/outfit for their birth month. (January brings size newborn, february brings size 1, etc).

I thought that was a really smart idea for making sure you don’t end up with too much of one size that you will never use. Some babies are born smaller, and some larger, but in the end we can only really guess how big our babies will be. We never really know until they are here, so only stock up on the bigger sizes that they will be in for a while (sizes 3 and 4 diapers, 3+ month clothes).

#8: You Won’t Have As Much Time For Yourself (Or Your Partner) Like You Used To

It’s true when they say that babies change your life. As soon as you bring that little life into this world, a shift happens. The world no longer revolves around you. Instead, all of the focus and energy goes to that little one, making sure they are fed, changed, warm and happy.

It takes a LOT of time caring for a baby, and the breaks you have to yourself in the beginning are far and few between. Even then, there are plenty of things to do in your down time like laundry, dishes, cleaning the house, etc.

While healing from labor and delivery, it can be especially hard to keep up with everything. Showers might be every other day for you instead of every day in the beginning. Weekly date night might turn into a monthly baby free day instead when you can find a friend or family to watch the baby while you are out.

By no means am I saying that motherhood is terrible, it is just different. It is an adjustment that takes some getting used to, especially as a first time mom who may not be used to giving all of her energy and attention to another (fairly demanding, yet adorable) little version of themselves.

I found myself getting frustrated by the lack of time to myself and time with my partner as a new mom, and had to find new ways to do things. As a mother, you have to strategize and re-learn a lot. And plan. Lots of planning.

At 3 months postpartum, I can find time for a shower. I can find time to sit down with my partner for a nice dinner. I can find time to paint my nails, do my hair and take a nice relaxing bath. But I can’t do them in the same impromptu ways that I used to. It just takes a little more planning is all. That’s something I REALLY wish someone would have told me, so that is why I am telling you.

Learn to plan loosely and you will be able to find time for yourself and time for your partner as well.

#9: Having a Baby Changes Your Relationship With Your Significant Other

So that is a very loaded sentence that can be interpreted in a good way or a bad way. But the point is, having a baby changes things in your relationship.

Gone are the days of focusing on yourself and going on spurt of the moment date nights with your partner or far away unplanned trips at 2am. Instead, you are both up changing and feeding a screaming baby at 2am, and that changes things.

The lack of sleep changes things. When you become a parent, try to remember that your partner has just become a parent too. Even if they have other children, remember that every baby is different and this is a new experience for them just like it is for you.

Keep the lines of communication open, and don’t be afraid to be honest with your partner about your feelings. You ARE going to disagree on some things, sometimes small, sometimes more major.

Just remember that your partner is a person too, and treat them with the love you want for yourself. Don’t forget to take the time (find a sitter) to go out on date nights and do the things that you used to do as a couple before having baby in your lives.

If you let it and work at it, having a baby will deepen and enrich your relationship with your partner, but communication really is key. You’ve got this!

#10: There Will Be Days You Feel Overwhelmed, And That’s Okay!

Whether you are a seasoned mama or a first time mama to be, there will be times when your new baby comes that you feel absolutely, 100% overwhelmed. Dishes are in the sink, toys are scattered all over, your husband or significant other has been at work all day, dinner needs to be made but you’re absolutely exhausted from the 2 hours of sleep you’ve gotten this week, you desperately need a shower, and the baby is screaming to top it all off.

Yep. There will be days like that. Don’t let them scare you, just know that they are coming so you can be prepared for them. Here is my best strategy I’ve found…

1. Remind yourself that this too shall pass, and then remind yourself again until you believe it. THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

2. Tackle things in order of importance. Don’t spend all of your time and energy in between naps scrubbing the dishes squeaky clean if you haven’t slept or showered all week. Create a priority list and stick to it.

3. Breathe, and don’t be afraid to ask for some help when you need it. Having a support system is so so important when becoming a new mom. Sometimes you just need someone to lean on, and that is completely okay! Don’t feel bad for needing some help. You don’t have to be superwoman 24/7.

Overall, motherhood is a wonderful and beautiful journey. It has it’s ups and downs, but how I like to put it is this:

Motherhood is simultaneously the hardest and most rewarding thing you will ever experience. You are shaping a little life. Each word, action, kiss on the forehead and night time snuggle shapes their future, and you mama, you get to be a part of that. You get to be a large part of it, in fact. What a blessing.

So don’t let these facts scare you into labor, or make you want to lie on the floor and cry. Allow them to make you stronger and better prepare you for what’s to come. They don’t call it mother HOOD for no reason… sometimes things can get hectic. But you’ve got this mama!

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